BLAST POLICE

fuckyeahgrindcore: Check out Atomck, “the UK’s answer to...

Mon, 05 Sep 2011 17:11:11 -0400

fuckyeahgrindcore:

Check out Atomck, “the UK’s answer to Discordance Axis” since 2006.

SLOW OLD MEN

RAWNERVE FORUM

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 20:35:31 -0400

RAWNERVE FORUM:

Tis the best place on the internet to discuss the fast.

You will, however, have to navigate around mention of slams though… but it’s worth it.

AGENT K

One of the TRUE grind acts currently active in Britain. FAR TOO...

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 13:14:39 -0400

One of the TRUE grind acts currently active in Britain.

FAR TOO MANY bands from that country claim to be grind, yet on inspection are actually boregrind/teenslam etc etc, it’s good we are getting reports of that trend changing.

Agent H

letgoofmyworld: my capitalist casualties shirt is one of my...

Sun, 07 Aug 2011 21:41:42 -0400

letgoofmyworld:

my capitalist casualties shirt is one of my favourite things at the moment after my dogs and chocolate brioche.

RIGHT! Finally some sanity.

Listen up. This is how it’s done yeah.

Sun, 07 Aug 2011 09:46:13 -0400

Listen up. This is how it’s done yeah.

BLAST POLICE #3: Agent M

Fri, 22 Jul 2011 19:39:17 -0400

Ok because FUCK this shite,

BOREGRIND

Is what we shall now call all the gore, the fake grind, the dressed-up slams and the wannabes.

Down with boregrind.

Agent M

UNGRIND # 2

Mon, 18 Jul 2011 17:53:52 -0400

Listen up.

GOREGRIND should be renamed GORECHUG or somesuch. It just isn’t grind anymore.

Obviously we speak not of the original CARCASS style (although even that had it’s day) but of the current slew of juvenile sadistically-oriented mush.

HERE’S A THOUGHT: get noticed because you have good material and at least some ideas. ANYBODY can put some sixth-form goth imagery over midtempo chugs and the competition to be ‘shocking’ got old five minutes out of the oven.

A musical form like grind came from the underground, it’s originators would doubtless NOT APPRECIATE the sheer levels of misogynistic sexual violence portrayed in gore’s images and lyrical imagery. I mean, RAZORRAPE??? Come on with that bullshit, where the fuck has social conscious made off to?

We are certain the defense of this will tend to the humors, but we have to wonder why there is a distinct lack of the same aimed at men by these bands? Exactly.

Add to all of the above the fact that most goregrind music is deeply unoriginal and derivative and we have an overall picture of very poor health indeed.

TIME on this shit.

BLAST POLICE #2: Agent H

Sun, 17 Jul 2011 12:23:26 -0400

What up haters, agent H here.

Like many of you I have become increasingly frustrated and fed up with the sheer volume of brutal death style wankery that has taken to calling itself ‘grindcore’.

Let us get a few things perfectly clear: as far as I am fucking concerned a grind band is a bunch of people playing a bunch of music influenced by punk and metal as fast as they possibly can, like, any faster and that shit would just fall apart.

This does not cover extended and interchangeable fret-twatting whilst a drummer plays some albeit fast but otherwise comfortable double-kick heavy death metal beats. HONESTLY it does not cover that so stop doing it right away if you want append ‘grind’ to your music.

WHICH IS A GOOD QUESTION

WHY have all these douchebags suddenly decided to take up the particular ‘grind’ mantle? I guess it is in reaction to something but exactly what has evaded out top forensic experts- and they are all like Harvard and shit.

Anyway we at BPHQ have begun cataloging these fakers (more on that to follow) and if you wish to help in the effort why not contact us and ‘out’ your local grind cuckoos.

blastpolice@gmail.com

STAY LOUD

Agent H

Chumps take note: this is what grind looks and sounds like.

Sat, 16 Jul 2011 05:36:24 -0400

Chumps take note: this is what grind looks and sounds like.

UNGRIND # 1

Fri, 15 Jul 2011 06:36:34 -0400

Slams.

Bree bree bree vocals TO HELL with that garbage.

CDs.

Brightly coloured t-shirts.

Guitar solos.

Clicky kick drum sound.

Diminished sweep picking arpeggios- ENOUGH.

Bro-downs.

Track lengths over 90 seconds.

Putting the word ‘OFFICIAL’ in the name of your social networking presence.

HAVING a social networking presence in the first place.

BLAST POLICE 1

Thu, 14 Jul 2011 20:01:00 -0400

LISTEN UP.

We have had it with all the dogshit fake grind.

Enough is enough is enough.

You know exactly who you are: dull, slow and boring ‘goregrind’, sloppy death metal bands looking for angle, anything that deliberately and willfully appends the term ‘technical’ to itself to validate it’s dire widdle. Your band.

TIME on this shit.

From now on you have to earn the label ‘grind’; the BLAST POLICE are sick of your feeble swill clogging up TRUE grindcore.

All posers will be burnt to the ground.